When God Says, No
Originally published 2019 · Revised 2026
A Quick Note:
There are seasons in life where you are grieving something and you don't even have a name for what you've lost yet. You're just in it — confused, faithful, hurting, and somehow still showing up. That's where I was when I wrote this.
I'm republishing this post because I believe that honest processing is sacred. Not just quiet, prayer-journal processing — but the kind where you let yourself feel the full weight of what happened, ask God the hard questions, and trust that He can handle every single one of them.
We spend so much time in church being told to "praise through it" that we sometimes skip the part where we actually sit with it. But grief needs room. Confusion needs a voice. And healing — real healing — requires that you tell yourself the truth first.
This was me telling myself the truth. Maybe it's yours too.
The Conversation You Wish We Had
I'm scared. I'm terrified right now. I'm so afraid to share everything with you about how I feel — to let you in on this — but I know without a doubt that God is about to use this to help someone, and I refuse to allow an untold story within my soul to hinder someone else from their growth. So here it is.
The scariest decisions I've ever made were the best decisions I've ever made. (Oh, did I forget to mention this post is about relationships — the romantic kind? Yeah, it's about to get interesting up in here.)
I knew that the decision to walk away was the best decision I could have ever made. Now, before I continue explaining what I did and how I knew it was the best decision, let me lay some things out: every person I've ever been in a relationship with was and still is a phenomenal person. I don't know what I did right, because I was blessed to be able to grow with these amazing men who helped me flourish in ways I couldn't have even imagined. I'm forever thankful for all of the people from my past.
However, I had to walk away, and each time — with each decision — it hurt more than I expected. But I did it, and guess what? I don't regret it. I walked away from these connections and into the arms of God. It's true. Every relationship ended because God called me out of it and told me that the season was over. Though it didn't make the separation any easier, the reassurance from the Lord kept me stable and secure.
One relationship ended because the growth pattern wasn't in sync. Another ended because, for someone else to grow in Christ, I had to leave.
Today, I want to talk about a specific one.
Have you ever wanted someone so deeply that after you had put in every ounce of effort, time, and energy, God straight up says, "Um — I don't think so, child. Back it up. This is not what I have designed for you"? Y'all, that is a lot to take in. Like, for real, God? I just invested all that time, energy, and money into — well, what? A no? That's not what I want.
But I've learned something through this: the fear of not listening to God when He says no is far more critical than FOMO — the fear of missing out. So guess what? I had to obey and say goodbye to something I genuinely wanted.
I was second-guessing and doubting myself through the entire process. I would think, "Abigail, was that really the voice of God, or are you just making a mistake?" I would even create excuses, telling myself, "You know what? Even though I said I would never go back once I end a relationship, this might be the one where, if God said 'come back,' I would come running!" (Two degrees later and I still talk like this — goes to show you can't take the girl out of her roots!)
But then God said, "Oh, you want to know if it was My voice that said no? Fine. I'm going to allow you to see it more clearly — through the bitterness, the immaturity, and the negativity — so that you will understand why this person is not for you." And similar to how God allowed Job to face pain even though He could have prevented it, He did the same with me. That's when I learned these four things:
1 | IT WAS THE VOICE OF GOD TELLING ME TO END IT.
Trust the voice of the Holy Spirit.
2 | HE WASN'T THE MAN FOR ME.
Remember that what is yours will always be far better than anything you could have imagined on your own.
3 | I WILL NOT BE RETURNING.
Trust God when He closes those doors.
4 | IT'S TIME TO TURN THE EXPERIENCE INTO LESSONS.
So that I get it right when I'm ready for what God has in store for me.
Making the right decision — especially when you know it's going to hurt both you and someone else — is not easy. It is a test of faith, and you don't want to miss the opportunity to grow with God through it. I will tell you this: if you hear it from God, do it and don't question it. In due time, He will show you how it all makes sense.
Appreciate the experience. Treasure what you learned from each relationship. Thank God and every person for the time and energy they shared with you. But don't allow your attachment — or your dreams for something God has already said no to — to make you second-guess yourself. Letting go of what God has closed the door on is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It may not make sense now, but when you begin to see why it wasn't going to work, and where God is taking you with your new lessons, you will begin to thank Him for some of the best nos of your life.
"Then the Lord said to Satan, 'Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil?'"
— Job 1:8
"And Moses said to the people, 'Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will accomplish for you today. The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.'"
— Exodus 14:13–14
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!"
— Psalm 46:10
Looking back, what strikes me most is that I was healing before I even knew I needed to. I was writing, praying, and processing out loud — and God was using every single word of it, even the ones that felt too raw to share.
That's the thing nobody tells you about grief and confusion: you don't have to have it figured out before you start moving through it. You are allowed to process in real time. You are allowed to be honest about the hurt without having the resolution yet. You are allowed to say "I don't understand this" and still trust God in the same breath.
The conversation I wished I'd had never came. But the healing did — slowly, quietly, and in ways I never could have scripted. And if you're somewhere in the middle of your own unfinished story right now, I want you to know: the middle is not the end. Keep going. Keep talking to God. And please — give yourself permission to feel it fully.
That's not weakness. That's how you get through.
Until next time, Abigail🤎
