Healing Scared
“sometimes it takes your heart breaking a few times for you to become independent in important and healthy ways. heartbreak shows you that your self-worth and wholeness should not depend on another's words or love. use the hurt as a map that leads inward to pursue your healing and ignite your self-love.”
—young peublo (clarity & connection, pg. 96)
What if I told you that your most difficult heart breaks would become some of the greatest blessings? What if I told you that all the times that you asked yourself, "why is this happening," would be replaced with, "I am glad this happened," ? What if I told you that at some point, sooner than later, you will fall in love with the breaking because of the person you are becoming?
Yeah, I would eye roll too and think, "here is another motivational message to let the pain forge you." I get it! Trust me! We've all read enough quotes to last us a lifetime. But just bear with me till the end and you'll see why I began this conversation with a yung pueblo quote.
Last year, I challenged myself to go on a trip with a friend and just explore for a bit. (yes, we were heading to Canada!) And though I was excited and looking forward to finally bringing out the passport, as we got closer to the border, I started second guessing the whole idea.
"Wait, is it too late to turn back? What was I thinking? What if I don't like it? Am I brave enough to explore and enjoy it?"
Doubt and anxiety started clouding my mind. And though I wanted to turn the car back around, going back to my comfortable life, I realized that in making the promise to go on the trip, I owed it to myself to at least try and see where my baby steps would take me.
To be real, I was still second guessing the trip until I saw the first attraction: Niagara Falls. (if you know me, I lose my mind when I see water; I may have been a mermaid at some point)
Larger than I could've imagined and truly beautiful beyond explanation, while looking at this beautiful gift from God, it hit me that I wouldn't have been able to see this beautiful landmark had I given into my anxiety. If I said no to the trip and turned around, there was no way I was going to see why the falls are worth it. Ironically, after realizing this I turned into Dora the Explorer and wanted to go everywhere.
Taking the steps even when I was scared gave me the opportunity to see something I hadn't seen before. I was able to truly enjoy the trip and it made me realize how much I enjoy Toronto.
So yes, fear will creep in. The nerves can be quite present but taking that step, trying it out, really makes a difference. And maybe that's what yung pueblo is saying.
When it comes to healing after trauma and heartbreaks, it seems almost impossible. It may be more comfortable to stay at home and watch all the chick flicks about why relationships suck. It may be easier to stay in that pain than to try. But where is that going to get you? Years of staying in that pain.
Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but someday you will have the courage to say, “let me see where this healing thing takes me,”. At that time, remember that the journey to self-love is possible.
Healing isn't for the weak but then again, with all you've been through, you were never a weak person. And if I can muster up the courage to explore the falls even when I was scared, you can pursue your healing even when you're afraid. You got this!
Until next time,
—Abigail
