Overcoming My Thorn

Note: I have been trying to write this post for the past five months. This may be the longest post I’ve ever written — and possibly the most vulnerable and transparent I have ever been. I felt it was important to share anyway.

Secrets. It’s fascinating how we all have mixed feelings about them, and yet — we keep them anyway. We know how ugly secrets can be and how much they can hurt everyone involved, but we still hold on to them. Honestly? It’s our flesh. I’m not going to sugarcoat anything I’m about to share — but then again, that’s just how God made me.

My biggest secret — the fight-or-flight sin I had to answer for before God — was: PORNOGRAPHY.

I capitalize that word for a reason. It’s not a comfortable word for most of us. And that’s exactly why we need to say it out loud.

Yes — me, Abigail Badu — battled it out with this deadly creature formed from lust called pornography. It clearly wasn’t easy for me to write this down and publish it for the world to see, considering it took me five months to finally get here. But this is one of the most powerful things I believe I’ve ever talked about — because it is a story about the love, mercy, grace, and power of Christ. Let me give you some background before we go further.

“MOM, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT...”

In fourth grade — yes, that young — I was coming home from school when I noticed a colorful book wrapped in plastic packaging sitting near our front door. As innocent as any fourth-grade girl could be, I picked it up and discovered two things: (1) it was mailed to my father, and (2) it was meant for our household. Like any obedient African child, I brought the package inside and set it on the arm of the living room couch to wait for my parents — who had stepped out briefly to run errands.

This package was different from anything else that had ever come to our home. My spirit knew something was off, and yet I was unusually eager to open it — something that had never happened before. Temptation won. I took the book to my room and tore the plastic apart. On the cover was a white sideways silhouette of a bunny next to the word: PLAYBOY. I recognized the bunny logo — I had seen it on clothing worn by girls at school — but I had no idea what it meant. First-generation problems. That changed the moment I opened the magazine. That was the moment the disease was introduced to my mind, my heart, my soul, and my spirit.

Though I wasn’t a believer at the time, that younger version of me knew something was terribly wrong. But the lust that had taken hold was overpowering. I hid the magazine under my pillow and never gave it to my father. Eventually, my mother found it and threw it away — but the damage had already been done.

From fourth grade through my junior year of high school, I quietly fought a lust that urged me to look at others wrongly and to want to present myself in ways God never intended. It wasn’t until a campus missions group came to speak at my youth group that I finally let someone in on the monster I had been carrying.

I had accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior my freshman year of high school, but the infection was still there. That night, the missions team performed a powerful drama — and the moment that stopped me in my tracks was when one of the girls walked across the stage holding a torn piece of cardboard with the word pornography written across her chest. She turned it over. On the back it read: truly loved and free. In that moment, I felt God holding up a mirror and whispering, “Give me this struggle so I can show you what that freedom tastes like.”

After the presentation, I found the girl with the sign and told her — for the very first time — that I was struggling too. 

“I AM SURPRISED THAT GIRLS DEAL WITH THIS. BUT THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING, AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.”

She didn’t just pray with me. She told me her story. She listened to mine. And then she challenged me: tell someone close to you about this battle. She said the battle cannot be defeated alone — but by bringing Christ and an accountability partner into the war zone, I would win.

I told a close youth leader. Then another. Eventually, four people knew what I was facing. The hardest person to tell was my mother. We were so close, and she was the very person God had used to reveal Himself to me — I was terrified she would be disappointed. But she wasn’t. She was understanding, loving, and ready to walk alongside me.

I’m not sharing this story to fill in a blank or to be known for something. I’m sharing it because I believe God asked me to testify — because this story helped shape a strong woman who has learned that in her weakness, trusting in the Lord is her strength.

“For we are glad when we are weak and you are strong. And this also we pray, that you may be made complete.”

— 2 Corinthians 13:9 (NKJV)

God hasn’t just shown me how to overcome this enemy — He has caused me to love Him and His strength that lives in me more deeply with every passing day. Every day I love Christ more for taking my enemy, pornography, and decimating it on the cross. Jesus took everything that made me feel ugly and gave me beauty in return. How amazing is that?

Paul talks about his thorn in the flesh.

“And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure.”

— 2 Corinthians 12:7

It took time, but God’s Word finally spoke to me through this passage in an intimate way. We all have a thorn — a sin that seems to outweigh everything else in our eyes. One that overshadows all the others. Mine was pornography. And though I am far from perfect, here is what I will boast in: my weakness has made me strong through the power and the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Jesus was the one who fought my Goliath.

Pornography, lust — whatever you call it — is a sin, and that is not worth debating. The girl from the campus missions team was right: confession and a whole lot of Jesus is the antidote. When I began confessing my sin to others, freedom began to wipe away the guilt and the loneliness that had been piled onto me. Not temporary freedom — the kind of freedom only Christ can give. Permanent freedom.

The enemy had me convinced I was the only one — the only female — facing this. Let me be clear: men and women both struggle with pornography and lust. You are never alone in this.

“Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”

— James 5:16

“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”

— 1 Corinthians 10:13

There are many different — but similar — ways that people overcome their thorn. Below is the method God allowed me to use to stand firm in Him and be strengthened by His power.

HOW I BATTLED PORN

1.  Tell Jesus. Yes, He already knows — but the conversation matters. He’s been waiting for it.

2.  Tell someone Spirit-led about the struggle. Don’t sugarcoat it or run from it.

3.  Ask that person — or as many people as you need — to be your accountability partners.

4.  Keep telling trusted people. The release of confession is powerful and it compounds.

5.  Pray about it constantly. Discernment is essential in this battle.

6.  Get into the Word of God daily — especially when the urge feels real and immediate.

7.  Read, and then read some more. God’s Word is both beautiful and healing.

8.  Pray for others who are facing this battle. You are not alone — and neither are they.

9.  Find an organization that fights this. Consider connecting with Fight the New Drug for more resources and community.

Until next time,

Abigail 🤎