Have you ever had a conversation with a friend about the type of friendship you both want to have? It may seem like a daunting task, but trust me, it can work wonders in helping you both understand each other better. This was especially true for me and my friend when my father passed away. By establishing clear boundaries, standards, and expectations early on in our friendship, we were able to hold space for each other through the tough times and come out stronger on the other side. In this blog post, I'm going to share some tips on how you can have a similar conversation with your friend to establish a healthy tone for your friendship from the get-go. So, let's dive in!

Holding Space for Each Other

When you're establishing a new friendship, it's essential to hold space for each other through the good times and the tough times. Holding space can look like being there for each other when you need support and being willing to listen without judgment. It also means being vulnerable and honest about your own experiences and feelings, so your friend can feel comfortable opening up to you in turn. Some examples of holding space for each other include:

• Sharing your own experiences with mental health struggles or difficult life events to show your friend that you understand what they're going through.

• Checking in on your friend when you know they're going through a tough time and offering support in any way you can.

• Making time to listen when your friend needs to vent or process their feelings, even if it's not the most convenient for you.

Setting Boundaries

Healthy friendships require boundaries. This means being clear about what you are and aren't comfortable with and respecting your friend's boundaries in turn. This could mean things like not sharing personal information about your friend without their permission, being mindful of their time and availability, and not pushing them to do things they don't want to do. Some examples of setting and respecting boundaries in a friendship include:

• Let your friend know that you're not comfortable discussing certain topics, such as your romantic relationships or work issues, and ask them if they have any similar boundaries they'd like to set.

• Being mindful of your friend's time and availability by not constantly texting or calling them when they've expressed a need for space or time to themselves.

• Respecting your friend's wishes if they decline an invitation to do something or aren't interested in participating in a certain activity.

Establishing Standards

Everyone has different ideas of what a healthy friendship looks like, and it's important to discuss these standards and expectations early on in the relationship. This could include things like how often you'd like to see each other, the types of activities you enjoy doing together, and what you consider to be supportive behaviors. Here are examples of understanding each other's standards and expectations of a friendship:

• Letting your friend know that you value honesty and direct communication in your friendships, and asking them what they consider to be important traits in a friend.

• Discussing how often you'd like to see each other and what types of activities you enjoy doing together to ensure that you're on the same page.

• Establishing what types of behaviors you consider to be supportive and helpful in a friendship, such as checking in on each other regularly or being willing to lend a listening ear.

When We Pull An Oppsie

Finally, it's important to establish what happens when boundaries, standards, and expectations are crossed or disrespected. This could mean having an open and honest conversation about what went wrong and how you can move forward, or it could mean reevaluating the relationship if the issues persist. Examples of what to do when boundaries, standards, and expectations are crossed or disrespected include:

• Having a conversation about what went wrong and what each person can do to ensure that it doesn't happen again in the future.

• Taking a break from the friendship if necessary to give each person time to process their feelings and figure out what they want from the relationship.

• Reevaluating the relationship if the issues persist or if it becomes clear that the friendship is no longer healthy or beneficial for either person.

As you continue to reflect on what you want in your friendships and relationships, don't forget to invest in yourself and your growth. Consider grabbing a journal to document your thoughts and feelings as you navigate the ups and downs of building healthy connections. By putting in the effort to establish clear boundaries and expectations with your friends, you'll be well on your way to fostering a fulfilling and supportive relationship that will bring joy and positivity into your life. Remember, building healthy friendships takes time and patience, but the rewards of a supportive and uplifting community are immeasurable. So take the leap and prioritize your mental and emotional well-being today!

—Abigail