Will You Accept These Lessons?

Hey Squad,

If you've been following me since last year, you know that I like to dabble in the Bachelor World. I got hooked a couple years ago (Arie's season) and have been following up on each season since.

As much I love watching people find love, I must say this year's seasons have been the most exhausting, emotionally and mentally, to witness! (who's with me here? Let's sip to that! Sike, your girl has been staying alcohol-free! whoop whoop!)

This year, we had a virgin Bachelor, an honest and joyful Bachelorette, and a confusing and frustrating Bachelor in Paradise. ( I was totally onboard for Colton, heck I would've auditioned, but I need to keep my sanity) Oh, and to top it off, as sweet as I believe Pilot Pete is, I wanted me a chocolate Military veteran Bachelor. I feel slightly cheated out of that. (I hope that Mike is talking to Demi Lovato like we hear cause if not, he best be the Bachelor the next go around if he wants to, no exceptions)

Talk about a lot, I mean look at how long that paragraph was, and that's just the small breakdown.

Instead of rehashing with y'all all my nitty-gritty parts from each season, I decided to share what I have learned from all three seasons this year. Child! Pour yourself a drink and sit back because I had to sit in multiple therapy sessions to get my feelings in check after each season (wish I was joking).

Woman vs. Woman Has Been Cancelled:

I've always had an issue with women going at each other; whether it was over a man or anything. It's repulsive. Ladies, it is a whole new world, and we better keep up. If you have an issue with another lady, squash that thing and squash it quick. Nobody's got time for this foolery. Enough said.

Be Honest With What You Want:

The whole Cassie not being ready for an engagement made me feel uncomfortable because she could've been honest in the beginning. Katie was correct in her statement as she exited Colton's season because Cassie did end up stating that she wasn't ready. I would encourage any person in a relationship or looking to be in a relationship that it's best to be honest with your love interest. If you don't feel comfortable doing that then maybe you shouldn't be with them or pursuing a relationship at this time?

Get Your Facts & Story Straight When You Make Accusations:

I take bullying and accusations that could be harmful to the reputation of others very seriously. I've dedicated a post called The Assassination of One's Character to this topic. Get your facts and get them in check.

In my personal life, before I address someone or bring up any issues, I ask my mother, my friends, Jesus, and then I replay everything that happened (texts, phone calls, etc.) before I make any moves. My family, friends, business partners, and even my exes can attest to this. Even in arguments, I will let you know that I'm stepping away to gain perspective and be factual instead of allowing my emotions to run wild. (let me take my time out cause I need it) I'm far from perfect, though I recommend this method.

When Nicole came out saying that she was bullied, sis, it's not that I don't believe you, it's that you've got a loud person which means you need your facts. Sadly, your words behind closed doors weren't a secret when you made false accusations. Thanks for the lesson, Nicole.

Maturity Looks Different Cause It's Not About Age:

The whole thing with Demi and Courtney thing taught me that a mature person doesn't go around accusing others of being immature. It's like beauty. If you've got to say that you've got it, then you probably don't have it. Let it speak for itself.

Fakeness and Manipulation Don't Sell:

Caeylnn…oh, I don't know where to begin. This girl is over here crying about Colton but sis you were in a relationship ( her words not Blake's or mine) for about 2 months before the Women Tell All. You can't be here cry hysterically on TV stating that you're not over the hurt when you pursuing another man.

I think I'm going to leave the Blake podcast somewhere in this post for y'all to listen to.

Gaslighting (Emotional & Psychological Abuse in Relationships):

Yo! I didn't know that this word existed or what it meant until Hannah's season. In fact, I didn't realize that I had been in relationships where I had been gaslighted and manipulated until I watched Hannah's season. According to the urban dictionary, gaslighting is:

A form of intimidation or psychological abuse, sometimes called Ambient Abuse where false information is presented to the victim, making them doubt their own memory, perception, and quite often, their sanity. The classic example of gaslighting is to switch something around on someone that you know they're sure to notice, but then deny knowing anything about it, and to explain that they "must be imagining things" when they challenge these changes.

A more psychological definition of gaslighting is "an increasing frequency of systematically withholding factual information from, and/or providing false information to, the victim - having the gradual effect of making them anxious, confused, and less able to trust their own memory and perception.

Y'all, we need to educate ourselves in the toxic behaviors out there because you and I could have them and not know. You and I could even be dating someone who has these traits and not aware of precisely what it is causing so much confusion or hurt, which is scary. Read this breakdown of gaslighting.

True Love is Unconditional and it Begins With You:

Though many people were on the fence with Hannah becoming the Bachelorette, we can all collectively say that this woman has exemplified what a strong and honest woman looks like. She explained to us that no matter what happens, never allow your desire to be in a relationship overshadow your love for who you are. As a woman of faith, I STAN! Hannah has been honest, transparent, and just as she said, a stronger woman than she could've imagined.

Watch What You Say Cause the Truth Will Always Come Out:

Listen the whole Caelynn, and Blake thing was emotionally exhausting, and both of them could've done better according to their words, here are my takes:

  • Blake could've been honest with both women in a more proactive way.

  • Blake releasing the text messages was hurtful however, I comprehend where he was coming from and believe that he wanted the truth to come out not the world to attack Caelynn.

  • Caelynn lie and got caught and then manipulated her way through it with tears which I don't vibe with.

  • Caelynn made real power accusations when she was angry (which she stated) that she later apologized for (after Blake released their text which wasn't okay, but I understand why he did it). As a survivor of sexual abuse, Caelynn and I share the level of sensitivity we feel towards any misconduct and non-consensual actions. However, to state that someone "tried to shut you up," is a huge accusation that damages reputations so baby girl, get your facts in check. Don't take people's word out of context.

  • Side note: she could've addressed the truth behind the whole Blake thing very early on. The show aired about 3 to 4 episodes before Blake released the texts. Blake told her the impact it had made and that he was going to release the text prior. If she really understood what she did, girlfriend would've taken it to social media herself to get ahead of it. Sis got caught in her web of lies and didn't take it too well.

The Rush to Relationships and Marriage in Society:

There are shows like 90-day fiancé, Say Yes to the Dress, and every Bachelor spin-off I find myself watching from time to time. I've come to realize the level of impact these shows have on us. The pressure of being with someone and being in a union has been dramatically influenced many of us. Yes, as a believer, I date for the purpose of marriage, though, why rush it?

With the whole situation with Nicole and Clay, I saw a man who hadn't given himself the necessary time (3 months is good for some though not for all) to heal properly from his past relationship. I saw this man really seeking to be with someone because of how much he wanted to love and be loved. Also, we noticed a woman who although she went on 3 dates (including one with Clay first) stated that she was in love with Clay (within 3 weeks of knowing each other). She also was expecting him to say I love you back (knowing full well he hadn't been able to say it to his previous girlfriend of 8 months). When Clay stated that he was falling in love but not fully there yet and wanted to take things slow post Bachelor in Paradise, Nicole said nah bruh. She explained that she believed that she deserves better, then she exited stage left. (literally, it was the left side of my TV that when I was watching this)

Honestly, if a man wants to take things slow and not rush things, I would be grateful! I've seen and have been a part of relationships where the L bomb get's dropped too soon(love bombing to the max 🙅🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️). Similar to Nicole, many women get into relationships knowing somewhat of the complications of the past relationship their love interest was in. Somehow, these people choose to ignore the truth or think that they're just the different one. Baby girl, if he's done it to another, unless God has convicted him and he's repented, he's going to do it to you; this doesn't discriminate by gender.

Ladies and gentlemen don't rush love. Guard your heart, don't be so impatient that instead of listening to the Lord and your spirit, you prioritize the fabrication of feminism. (oh don't get me started on this one; we're too impatient and need to practice self-control around here.) Ladies chill with the whole trying to tie him down thing and vice verse. If he wants to be with and it's the Lord's will, it'll happen. If not, then they weren't a part of your destiny. As a public advocate for womanhood and equality for all, you best believe that I'm one who would date for multiple seasons before saying yes to an engagement, nevertheless marriage.

(Favorite Lesson)You can have the same faith but how you execute them speaks volumes:

I used to think to be equally yoked meant that we were both Christians, but maybe it's aging, I now know that it goes deeper than that. The whole situation with Luke P triggered me in ways I didn't know were possible, similar to the Caelynn issue. Luke and Hannah's sex conversation that lead to Luke being dismissed from the show and then later showing up despite what Hannah wanted showed me a lot. This interaction showed that many believers are willing to point fingers at people for their sins even when the accuser has committed those sins in the past.

Sex is a hot topic for believers, and we look at it as black and white but forget that many of us have done it in modern society. (I think we can have this conversation more often in our congregations) I believe that instead of shaming others for their stance on many issues, we should create safe spaces to share our take on what the Word of God tells us through Scripture. Love, unconditionally, has no room for judgment and rebuke is different from shaming. Luke didn't need to state things the way he did and gaslight Hannah in the process. Sis, was upset, which I understand, and she doesn't need to share with us information that isn't ours to know. This chat could've happened off-camera, which would've been much better than what it turned out to be.

Of course, I also learned that chicken nuggets are beyond amazing. ( I have mastered a healthier way of making them that I probably should share at some point; IG story here I come)! I learned that fence jumping for your love is a thing and that windmills are lovely places for post-wedding endeavors. Oh, let's not forget that pinatas aren't to be trifled with. I may have not gotten everything so, please share with me what you learned this season. ( no, I'm not going to debate anything regarding Caelynn and Blake or any of the drama that happened throughout the franchise this year).

I just ran out of peach juice (I told y'all I'm alcohol-free). Looks like this is the end of the post.

Until next time…

-🌹Abigail