It's Not My Time
Last Christmas Eve I drove 8 hours by myself to visit the most important people in my life: my family.
Initially getting there by myself was scary because I hadn't completed a long distance such as 8 hours by myself without anyone else in the car. Though, when it comes to family, I will do everything and anything for them. So Christmas Eve came, and I packed my car, slipped into my comfiest clothes, and powered through 8 hours of driving with one stop and a whole lot of nitro coffee. And by the grace of God, I made it there and back.
Now, I wanted to share more of my trip with you guys because of all the fantastic things that happened in Providence, but that post is for another day. Today I wanted to chat about this constant question I've been receiving since the visit:
Are you ready for marriage? When do you want to get married? I have a (fill in the blank) that is perfect for you. Would you be up for it?
Guys, I have been getting this none stop, and I promise that I've done enough venting to God that this post is not going to be a venting session. Instead, I wanted to talk about the pressures of marriage.
See, before I used to think that it was just a Christian thing. I mean your girl went to a Christian university and Ring by Spring might as well be our anthem, but I'm not ready! (If you have Metanoia access, make sure to read the post about this topic!)
Each time I receive one of those questions from above, I begin to get this awful uncomfortable feeling in my chest and almost want to hide under a rock the size of Texas ( I want to go to Texas; ribs and desert scenery is calling my name). But I'm not as magically so I can't do that. Instead, I've heard myself answering these questions with stumbling words like:
Whenever God wants me to. I just haven't been introduced to the man God wants for me. I'm too young. I've got time.
In all honesty, all I want to say is:
Can you not?! I don't care about marriage at the moment. None of your business, but thank you for asking.
Ultimately, what I'm trying to say is:
It's not my time.
It's funny how people (and we do this to ourselves too) believe that based on the norms of society, culture, and community, that the accomplishments and choices that individuals make have to be timed and done in ways that replicate the past.
As I've been investing in my time with God, the presence and the voice of the Lord has become more apparent and more noticeable especially when it comes to essential desires and decisions involving relationships. You remember how I wrote a post called: The Conversation You Wished We Had? (Y'all that post almost made me pass out; I love that it pushed me so far out of my comfort zone.) Well, the decisions in that post and the choice to write it came after spending time with my Father.
See, I believe that so many times because we see how others have designed their lives and what's expected of us, we tend to allow ourselves to get into this warped comparison and a skewed perspective game that can diminish our sense of who we are and what God is saying and doing with us.
There is no person better to explain to you what you ought to do and how you ought to live your life than the one that gave it to you. (Of course, God will place the right people in your life to help guide you in making the best choices and that's where discernment comes into play.) And in all honesty, I used to be scared, no terrified of saying no or even attempting to object anything people would ask of me. Not saying that it has completely changed ( I have to catch myself sometimes) but I've learned three important lessons regarding those questions:
1| You don't have to take people's word vomit (courtesy of a special lady in my inner circle).
You're not obligated to take in people's opinions, though an intuitive person will focus on what the Spirit of Lord wants.
2| If God hasn't revealed your life's blueprint to you, do you think he's shown it to others?
People will always think they have the perfect solution for your life and most of them are not shy when it comes to expressing it. But remember what Christ said about the small piece of wood in one's eye versus the blank in another? Trust me child, the Lord will not leave you in the dark when it comes to your life. He's just as excited about the next chapters of your life as you are (in fact, he's been waiting for quite some time to get there with you). A wise counsel will insist on you sitting in the presence of the Lord verses just taking their advice.
3| There's no way you can go wrong if you're in sync with God and his timing.
All in all, this experience taught me that it's not time for me to focus my energy on answering those questions. Instead, this is the perfect time (actually it's always the ideal time for this) to put all my strength and time into better who I am in Christ with his help, strengthening my relationship with my first love, and using every gift he's given me to bring glory to his name.
When would I like to get married? Will I get married?
In God's timing, on Christ's terms, and designed by the Holy Spirit. Don't ask me, ask my main man upstairs. Mic drop🎤
Until next time...