Posts tagged depression
To The One Who Wanted To Give Up

I…have...been...there and it sucks!

I wish I could perform a psychological surgery and remove this depressive mental state away. But...it doesn't work that way.

They have all sacrificed everything for me. Each person I have mentioned has laid down everything in hopes of seeing me and seeing me live this life to the fullest.

It was the reminder that my mother and father sacrificed their comfortable home in Ghana for my education, joy, and success. It was the reminder that my brother, though 9 years younger than me, looks up to me and wants to see me make it in everything I set my mind to. It was the reminder that all the beautiful humans that called me friend valued the genuine smile they initially fell in love with. It was the reminder on the day that she left this earth, the day my grandmother completed her mission, that I recalled that nothing, absolutely nothing, in this world would make her happier than to see me ( broken, hurting, and ratchet in all) living a life that is filled with joy and hope.

I..have...been...there.

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Child, Remember Your Training

Spiritual training is pretty similar to the conditioning I had as an athlete. In order to make your training effective, you must be willing to sacrifice your time and pleasure for the game. This means more prayer, devotionals, fellowshipping, and anything your soul requires for you to do.

As you begin to prioritize your healing process and your self-love, you allow the power of truth, confidence, and joy back into your life. But the truth is meant to share. Confidence is meant to be displayed. Joy is meant to be given away. As you work your spiritual and mental muscles to overcome the mental stage that is hurting you, you begin to acquire new weapons for the battles you may face.

When I felt low, when you felt stuck mentally or spiritually, I began to remove anything and everything that was causing me pain. I had to clear out the virus by applying a vaccination called Jesus.

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Hey, It's Younger Me and I Want to Hug It Out

Embracing your battles isn’t about approving of them but understanding that this is a battle that you must either go through, around or overcome.

I find this to be a tad bit harder than the two above because I have a strong belief (this seriously non-negotiable for me) that it takes two to tango (it takes two to make a mistake). But instead of seeing pain like so, we all tend to look at pain as on so and so inflicted this upon me. It's his fault, her fault, or sometimes it's even the poor dog's fault! (Leave the dog alone. Dog's are love, let it be😂) Take the word fault out of your vocabulary! It's doesn't come from Christ (this is my belief) and blaming one another is what Adam and Eve after they screwed up. (If we ought to learn anything aside from not talking to serpents, we ought to all learn that the blame game will never work. It only creates a monster out of a simple situation)

It does take two to tango, but your dance partner will never be able to reassure you entirely after you make a mistake. Since God never created us to be entirely healed by one person, but through him only, we will never find peace after battles until we give it all to him. You and I must learn to speak love to ourselves. We deserve forgiveness when we mess up because God first forgave us. We deserve to see the best in us when we go through because though we are sinners the Father finds us valuable in his eyes.

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Dear Abigail, It Weighs On Me That...

This isn't pride but confidence in who my Creator made. This is me taking a good look at the beautiful woman God has designed and predestined for me to become and I'm embracing her. This is where I get to say, "yes I love myself." And guess what? I don't feel guilty. I'm no longer concerned about the possibility of being rejected or disappointing those around me. Instead, I'm now welcoming the Abigail God loves enough to sacrifice his only Son for. Instead of listening to lies from my insecurities and those who want to bring me down, I surround myself with those who God has ordained to live in my today, tomorrow, and forever. Instead of seeing myself as less than, I now see myself as the daughter of the Most High.

It wasn't an easy journey. I had to let go of plenty of friends, relationships, unfruitful goals. It hurt, and it cost me some months of experiencing the darker side of who I could be. However instead of saying that the darker side of myself was the real me, I have now come to realize the Abigail that pours out love, prioritize self-care, gives hugs because she can, speaks life into her life and those around her, never gives up on the beauty within all people, and stands up to negativity is the Abigail I was always born to be. That is the Abigail Jesus fought so hard on the cross for. That's the Abigail I get to share with the world. This Abigail is here to stay, so get comfortable seeing consistent love and a whole lot of Jesus!

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I Am Scared...

I'm scared. I'm actually anxious to tell you about this but…I'm going to do it anyway.

I've been asked recently about how I was able to overcome the worst depression I've ever faced, and I have to confess something to you guys:

Confessions are scary. They make all of us feel uncomfortable and yes I mean all of us, myself included. You know me, I love respectful confrontations and honesty. Sometimes a little too much because I know I make people feel uncomfortable but I'm not apologizing for that. Confessions, on the other hand, they so far past my comfort zone I forget what comfort is when I have to allow myself to share what makes me feel the most uncomfortable voluntarily.

Though I'm uncomfortable, I will confess this: I am scared.

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