Darling, It's Okay to Not Be Okay

Have I ever mentioned that I love being vulnerable? Have I ever told you guys how much I adore transparency and honesty? Oh, I have? Well, let me tell you again.

Just the other day, I was talking to one of my closest, and during the conversation, I heard myself saying, “I don't understand why people have a problem with being honest. I cannot live without it.”

It's been a while since I heard myself say something like that, but it felt great to know that the core of who I am has not changed despite all the recent changes I've made.

See if this year has taught me anything, it is that while you walk this journey with Christ, so many things will change in your life and life is never stagnant. In fact, the essence of life (the one thing you can always count on) is that life fluctuates. Life is unstable, and you know what? It's going to throw you off your feet more times than you'll be able to count. Maybe that's why I have difficulty understanding why there are many believers out there refusing to take off the mask they're wearing and allow their vulnerability and brokenness to be so exposed that when the world looks at them they see that the only thing keeping this person afloat is the cornerstone that is Christ. (Ouch; harsh, I know.)

Where did all this come from? Well, I was recently listening to a sermon by Pastor Judah Smith titled I'm Not Okay. He began by recapping that Church Home (the church he leads ) is going through a series that revolves around topics Pastors and Christian don't talk about frequently.

Y'all, when I say that I'm loving this series and this sermon, I mean it! Judah (is it okay for me to call him by his first name; I hope I don't get in trouble for this) spoke on how in the moments leading up to Jesus' capture, Jesus was going through. ( Man, my grammar…did I even go to college?)

This may sound off topic but have y'all seen Passion of Christ? Remember how at the beginning of the movie, we see Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane praying and sweating basically blood? Y'all, that's some heavy praying. And while he was praying, Christ kept going back to the disciples ( Peter, John, and James) asking them to pray and stay awake. Well, Judah brought this moment up!

After explaining all that Jesus said, Judah asked a question that as believers, I don't think we ask ourselves enough:

if Jesus, who is both man and God, wasn't okay especially when his life was about to take a turn that was going to cost him more than life itself, why do we think that as believers we're meant to be okay so often?

Think about it, when we go around playing this ridiculous game of Christian charades, we are ultimately telling everyone that we're okay (even though life is handing it to us) and though we're going through a tough time, that we can keep it together better than Jesus. But we're not.

The topic of honesty and vulnerability is something, as believers, I just don't believe we can stress enough. We are a family of people with different experiences and different ways of perceiving life who happen to have accepted that without the salvation of Christ, we are nothing. That first step of accepting Christ requires us to be vulnerable! There is no way in…(not going to go there). There is no way we can follow Christ and love one another without allowing ourselves to be so transparent that when we're not okay, we can say that we're not okay.

It's a toss-up. Some of us either had experienced moments when we wanted to share our struggles, and others have been the ones that instantly ridiculed those who wanted to be vulnerable with us.

All in all, can we cut this out? Can we stop playing “How Great of a Christian Can You Be” and start living the way Christ did? Can we allow others to be vulnerable with us and pour out to Christ with one another? Can we put down the mask and open our hearts to be transparent with each other?

Following Christ is one of the best “yes” I ever made, and it has taught me that the power that Christ has given me (and all of us ) is a power that requires us to be so transparent that glass doesn't come close.

So here's to being okay with not being okay. Here's to letting the world know that we don't have it together and that we are a bunch of broken people who are allowing the Creator to mend us and transform us into the beautiful masterpieces we were meant to be.

What are you masking? What are you refusing to share? Have you allowed yourself to smile and say that you're okay for so long that you can't tell the difference? Well, I'll let you in on a secret (not really a secret though): Jesus loves you even when you're not okay. He loves you even when you mess up. He saw ever screw up you'll make and still said, “I want you.” So broken or not, His love is unwavering. Take the mask off.

Until next time…

-🌿 Abigail