You Knew the Truth, You Had to Sit in the Pain

ABXGB
Lean into the pain. Stay there in the questions, in the doubts, in the wonderings and loneliness, the tension of living in the Now and the Not Yet of the Kingdom of God, your wounds and hurts and aches, until you are satisfied that Abba is there too. You will not find your answers by ignoring the cry of your heart or by living a life of intellectual and spiritual dishonesty.
— Sarah Bessey, Jesus Feminist: An Invitation to Revisit the Bible’s View of Women

One day better. One minute better. One second better. One millisecond better.

The adage just above has been my motto for some time. And the older I get, the more I realize that this saying isn't just for during practice on the softball field but for every aspect of my life. I get through, you may not be able to always be perfect in every aspect of your life, but you can be your best. (wow, I sound as if I'm a mom right now trying to cheer up their child.)

You already know (and if you didn't well prepare yourself) that I am a firm believer when it comes to inner peace and centering oneself through every experience life gives you. I believe that no matter how long it takes for you to overcome internal battles, you should allow yourself to fully grasp all the lessons that are in front of you and soak in everything God is teaching you. So you probably now understand why I began this post with Sarah Bessey's quote. (Aside from the fact that I adore this woman and she slays at empowering others in a way I cannot explain with the limited word count I cannot exceed to have in this post.)

We live in a world that is fast-paced and has infected our mental and emotional abilities when it comes to experiencing life to the fullest. Don't get me wrong, I believe many people are living their best life, and I'm not here to judge nor determine who's living their life to the fullest; that can only be answered by the specific individual. I'm here to say just what Sarah is saying.

We must allow ourselves to sit in the presence of our pain, confusion, frustration, uncertainty, and everything that bothers us. We must let ourselves honestly feel what (if you're like me) we are afraid to explore. And in the process of doing so, we must allow God to reveal what we have been too scared to see.

As I'm getting to understand myself through my relationship with God, I've come to realize that God has given us some pretty amazing gifts to help us work through the obstacles that we face so that we may become stronger mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. One of those gifts is the gift of self-saturation. (I promise I just came up with this when I was writing this post so if it's somewhere else online with a different meaning then don't come after me.)

Now before I explain what I mean by self-saturation, I must first warn you that many people wouldn't agree with me when it comes to this concept. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if other believers questioned me because the idea sounds more prideful than the selflessness that we've come to associate with Christ. Nevertheless, my faith, my truth, my words.

Self-saturation:

when one is able to remove themselves from the events outside of themselves and inwardly look at the positive elements of who they are while using said elements to strengthen and recover from any and all battles they are facing.

©ABXGB

I have come to notice that there are many blessing that God has given us within the core of who we are that we haven't tapped into them in the slightest. These blessings know us best and understand everything we are feeling. Though, because we tend to rely on others to fix us or the world to make sense of what doesn't make sense to us, we ignore this part of who we are. Confused? Let me give you an example real quick:

I struggled from second grade to eleventh grade believing that I was physically beautiful (eh, let me be honest; I didn't realize that I was brilliant). I would hide my face with my side bangs so that I could conceal my face instead of being the girl who looked...ugly (this probably going to be the only time I use this word cause I dislike it to the max). But in all honesty, it wasn't until I began learning about who I am and what God has placed inside of me that I began to truly understand that I'm a gem and one of a kind.

Yes, I had great friends who tried to reassure me of my worth. My teachers and parents attempted in more ways than one. And don't get me started on the boyfriends. But it was all meaningless. I had to figure this out myself. God had to teach me how to see myself the way he does. That could've only be done when I allowed myself to sit in my confusion and let God reveal the core of who I am to me.

Why am I even writing this post?

I want you to get a message that took me a while to grasp (and I'm still learning this): The pain, hurt, confusion, frustration, and every not so great feeling you are experiencing will never go away until you are able to face it and let God remold it to reveal the truth that it was meant to be.

It'll take a lot out of you. You'll become uncomfortable, and you'll probably want to stop this process but don't! You're learning to see your pain differently. This is time to learn to see yourself in a new way. It's not meant to make you feel better and all fluffy inside. This experience is intended to provide you with the truths that you'll never be able to find in the world.

Don't ignore the lessons and the opportunity to not only learn more about your Father and his love but about who he calls his beloved one.

Until next time...

-🌿Abigail