I Stopped Looking for Mr. Right Because...
Most of us have a list. The list that we began making as soon as hormones kicked in. The list that has the criteria Mr. Right (or Mrs. Right) is meant to meet for us to say yes to at the altar. For some, it's a real list stored away in our journals, and for others, it's in our memory bank and becomes all we think about when we meet someone we find attractive. For me, it's both.
I began making this in high school, and as the years passed, I've taken somethings out and have added other components that I'm pretty sure 15-year-old Abigail would be surprised to find. My ideal man's list used to be filled with physical standards, but it has gradually become more focused on character, morals, and spirituality.
As much as I love dreaming about the future just like any person, I haven't referred to this list for the possibility of who I'm meant to be with but rather who I am meant to be. Confused? I know, let me explain:
I believe that whatever we want for our Mr. Right (or Mrs. Right) to be, we ought to not only be realistic about our desires but ask ourselves:
Am I becoming the person that the dream man (or woman) ought to be doing this thing called life with?
I mean come one, it's easy to go on a dating app and select preferences regarding the type of people you want to see on your feed. But how ridiculous is it that we are not taking the time to make sure we're working on ourselves so we can become the person our Mr. Right deserves?
I titled this blog post the way I did because I've come to a stop looking for him, Mr. Right. Not because I don't believe he's out there (Y'all better recognize that if God gave me the desire, then this man sure as heck exist). Instead, I have been focused on making myself the woman that this man I've been praying about ought to be with.
Listen, if you want someone who has goals and a plan to achieve those goals, then get moving! Start working on your goals, make those goals come to life instead of being a hypocrite (don't get offended, I have to be this blunt with myself too)! Or maybe a bullet point on your list is about seeking someone who prioritizes their family especially their mom (I have a thing about how a man treats his mother). Well, check yourself. How are you with your family? How do you handle your relationship with them? Better yet, how do you speak about them when y'all are going at it?
I believe that it's easy to require others to be a certain way that pleases us. We make unrealistic expectations for people, yet we don't do that for ourselves (even if we believe the expectations are achievable). It takes a lot of honesty and a good reality check from God to realize that there's a lot of work to be done within ourselves so that we can become the person our dream man deserves.
Now, this isn't saying you're not a great person already but think about it as the more you add onto your list ( or, the more details you create), the more work you have to do within yourself. Not going to lie, I know that I want a dope man, but I need to be at his level because if I'm not then the relationship isn't going to work.
After realizing that I need to work on me to become Mrs. Right, I decided to make a new list. I'm going to share some of the bullet points with you guys (for accountability purposes), so you can get the idea:
makes the intentional time to spend with God no matter what's going on in her life
goes to God before speaking when there are issues with anyone or anything
is honest with herself and those around her even when she's afraid of hurting someone's feelings
uses each day to prioritize herself and pour back into who she is
challenges herself daily to be better in as many ways as possible but doesn't beat herself up when she doesn't beat the challenge
has goals (career, financial, spiritual, mental, and physical), prayed about it, and wrote down how she is going to achieve them
keeps issues involving others between those engaged unless it is threatening the life of someone
speaks love even when there is a conflict
humbled in every way especially when she is being corrected/advised
See where I'm getting at? Before, my list for Mr. Right would have consisted of superficial things that I knew I wouldn't be doing but now just like the list above, it's about character and morals.
Of course, everything must go through Jesus first. Faith, as you can tell by reading through my previous posts, is a deal breaker. So that goes for me as well, if I want a strong man of God, then I need to be a strong woman of God.
What would you now put on your list? Have you ever made a list for yourself? If not, then think about your dream partner (yes partner cause Y'all are going to do this thing called life together). If he (or she) was sitting down right now making a list of who they want to be, what criteria should that person have? Do you currently possess those characteristics? If not, maybe it's time to stop worrying about why you should or shouldn't be with so and so and start working on you.
Get your notebook out and grab that pen. Start writing down everything that comes to mind. And when you get to the bottom of your list, take it up with Jesus and see what he says. Trust me when I say, he'll help you become the Mrs. Right that's meant to be with your Mr. Right!
Until next time...