Stop Playing the Victim Card


This hurts. The one time I ever heard these words (the title of this post) being uttered to me, I felt as if someone had run my heart and soul through a shredder. It hurt.

I told myself that by writing this post, I wouldn't allow myself to cry but guess what? I'm a cry baby and that's what I'm doing at this very moment.


I get it. You really don't have to defend yourself because I get it. I have been hurt too. There have been moments and instances when what was done and said caused more pain than I had anticipated. I get it.

I feel you. Seriously! You are a Child of God. You are precious. You, my dear, are worth all the rubies in the world but…this hurts to tell you: stop playing the victim card.

In the past couple of months, I have come to regain the sense of confidence, ownership, authority, and authenticity I had been missing for almost two years. But as a part of my self-love process, I have come to understand that I'm not innocent either. I have come to realize that I too am at fault.

See, I spent years loving on so many people around me (mind you, I don't regret it) and neglecting myself causing there to be hurt I had deliberately allowed into my life. I'm no victim. No, I have been given the power to decided on who and what I allow into my life. God has given each of us, including me, the ability to determine how we want our lives to play out.

Though…when things don't turn out how we envisioned (especially when we were hoping for the opposite) we begin to play the blame game. And boy are we good at it! I mean it is in our genetic makeup.

Our first parents, Adam and Eve, invented the blame game! Sadly, we haven't fully grasped the fact that this hurtful game will always leave a bitter taste in our mouths.

It's over. You and I cannot play the victim when tragedy hits. Even if 90% of the problem falls on the other person, 10% is still on you. You and I are no victims.

I guess the best way to fully get you to understand is that when we screw up and when things fall apart, it's ownership, responsibility, honesty, and transparency that God asks of us. Its similar to what James said:


'Is anyone among you suffering? He should pray. Is anyone cheerful? He should sing praises. Is anyone among you sick? He should call for the elders of the church, and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. The prayer of faith will save the sick person, and the Lord will raise him up; if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect. Elijah was a human being as we are, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the land. Then he prayed again, and the sky gave rain and the land produced its fruit. My brothers and sisters, if any among you strays from the truth, and someone turns him back, let that person know that whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.'

- James 5:13-20

This act of 'whoa is me,' 'I'm the one that was wronged,' 'I'm holy and sanctified so it couldn't have been my fault,' (gosh I detest the word fault! Don't even get me started on this word! Like seriously?! Who uses this? Who invented this word? Okay…let me get back on topic, sorry for the petty rant), and 'I'm the victim here,' HAS TO STOP!

'Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God. '

- Romans 12:2

24 years of living on this earth, I will tell you that this victim mentality stumps your growth, creates chaos, and destroys you from within. It's toxic and we can't play this divisive game any longer.

Do you want to know how you can tell if someone is from God? It's not by the size of their Bible, how much they attend service, how religious (oh yeah, I went there) they think they are. Nah bruh! You can determine if someone is from God by how internally transformed they are by the Spirit of God. Plain and simple.

You can discern the fruit of a tree by the seed it produces.

Gossiping has got to go! You and I need to develop an allergic reaction towards bitter and negative speech, prideful acts, and the blame game. We are children of God. We don't get to act like this anymore.

'So the Lord God said to the serpent: Because you have done this, you are cursed more than any livestock and more than any wild animal. You will move on your belly and eat dust all the days of your life. So the Lord God asked the woman, “What is this you have done?” And the woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” The man replied, “The woman you gave to be with me — she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate.” Then he asked, “Who told you that you were naked? Did you eat from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” And he said, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.” So the Lord God called out to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. '

- Genesis 3:8-14

Let me finish off with this:

I have come to realize that we all get hurt. We all get betrayed. We are all exposed to the pain that…gosh, it feels like nothing the English dictionary could ever explain. Though I do not know what you have been through, I know what I have. I'm telling you that this blame game is a one-way ticket to losing who you are in Christ, destroying your opportunities to grow, and tainting relationships. It didn't work for Adam and Eve, did you really think it would work for you?

Until next time…

-🌿 Abigail