The Pain That Became My Superpower
As promised, truth. Not just any truth, my truth.
Before I begin, please let me pray because today's topic is...heavy and personal (as if they all aren't).
I'm still figuring all this out. I cannot lie to you and front anything that isn't the truth. I'm freaking out, and I'm scared. This whole blogging thing is a gift from you, and I always want to use it to glorify you. Even though I know within my spirit that this gift is from you, I'm still freaking out a little.
You know me, and you know that it's not because I don't trust you, Father. It's because this is a part of the story you've given to use to show how loving, powerful, kind, faithful, and compassionate you are.
So please give me the words to share this truth with your people. Please let your Spirit guide me and make this post pleasing to you. Let every word be from you and not my own. I thank you so much for listening to this prayer and answering it in advance. In Jesus' name, Amen.
I cannot remember anything four months before turning seven years old.
I have seen doctors, spiritual leaders, and medical specialist but the memories that were created from infancy to 6 years ten months are inaccessible to me. Why?
He did what he did to me. He did what he did to my psyche. He did what he did to my emotions. He did what he did to...my body.
Guys, I'm trying to hold it together as I type these words to you, but this is painful. I have been crying non-stop since God gave me the go-ahead to share this story.
I didn't want this to happen to me. I for real as heck do not want anything like what he did to happen to anyone.
See, this is a truth that has only been shared with my inner circle and last night; I realized something: I hate it when people hurt people. (I know I'm a Christian and I'm using the word hate; so what? Get over it. It's not like you've never hated something before.)
As I was chatting with one of my close friends regarding a recent conflict, I began to realize that my reactions during the disagreement were tied into this part of my life's story. (Mind you I refuse to use this story as a clutch but realizing knowing the truth behind my actions is essential for my growth.) I told her that it hurts and it troubles me to know that there are some who are inflicting pain into the lives of others without recognizing the level of impact these words and actions will have on others.
Y'all, I cannot sit down and be quiet about this. There are those who have been affected by the carelessness and selfishness of others. That's not okay! I'm serious!
If you ever wondered why I was such a big person on pouring into others and loving on every person, well now you know. It disgusts me that as people, we know that every person yearns for love. And yet, we refuse to give love away, and we hurt one another. No, not okay!
Do not (I'm dead serious) be the person who purposefully takes advantage of people emotionally, psychologically, or physically. There is no way this matches up with the Word and will of God.
You may be thinking, "well Abigail, I would never do something like that to another person." Nah bruh. Whether it is something you say, do, write, it doesn't matter how. As believers, it is paramount that we consider and prioritize how our words and actions affect those around us.
I know that I'm not the only believer that has been confronted with the whole, "if that is what Christians do then why be a Christian," phrase. Guaranteed that Jesus already told us we will be persecuted by the world for His name's sake, we have to be mindful of the title (Followers of Christ) that we carry.
Okay, I get it. I'm ranting now. Let me get to the point.
I have repeated this time and time, my truth is for the Lord to use. My experiences are meant to help not only myself but others as they journey through their lives.
Considering this, I have seen growth and love sprout out of this seed that has caused pain in my life. Though at the time of writing this post, I don't know who needs this post. I want you to know what it takes time. It may take a whole lifetime (I'm still figuring that part out. I'll tell you on my 120th birthday).
Be honest and kind to yourself. No matter who hurt you or what has happened to you, please take care of the experience and gather those lessons. Face your pain head-on. You may be like me, who had to let my family, friends, and counselors in my healing process. It's alright.
You are beyond this pain, and at some point, as you continue to heal, you will begin to see and believe that. And forgive. Forgive and forgive and then forgive some more.
Initially, I didn't want to share this story because I was worried and afraid of the judgment and the comments that could be made. But if there is anything I've learned from the story of Jonah, when God tells you to do something, do it! Don't run away. So here I am sharing this truth with you.
If you take anything away from my story, take away this:
Don't just be a kind human, be a loving human too. Be a considerate being. Acknowledge others in what you do just as you do for yourself. Don't initially be the reason why someone has pain in their lives. Be the person who builds others up and shows them that they are loved because God deems them worthy of His love.
Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.'
- Luke 6:30-31 (NKJV)
Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
But Jonah arose to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord . He went down to Joppa, and found a ship going to Tarshish; so he paid the fare, and went down into it, to go with them to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord . “Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry out against it; for their wickedness has come up before Me.” Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, '
Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” This is the first and great commandment. '
Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.'
- Romans 14:13
As always, I love you all so dearly! I'm sending a million hugs your way.
Until next time...