It Not Me...It's the Truth
Lately, I've been sharing a lot with you guys about the different fears and battles I've had (or am overcoming) and today, I wanted to switch it up. Let's chat about some strength and something that I can definitely say I am ecstatic about, honesty.
Growing up, I used to get in trouble for always giving my two cents even when people didn't want to hear it. I didn't voluntarily walk up, intervene in people's conversations and share what was on my mind, but if you were talking smack (wow, the poor grammar is already starting) about someone, I'd call you out.
As an adult, I'm thankful that this flaw is still a part of who I am because it has saved me from making decisions that weren't beneficial for me.
I was recently talking to one of my close friends, and she brought up the importance of being able to have full, honest, and transparent conversations with yourself. I think I'm paraphrasing, but this lady said, "you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and have those tough conversations with yourself […] It may be painful at the moment to realize some of the facts and truths about yourself. But, it's better to learn and face that pain now than to get married, have kids, and then realize the pain you have allowed into your life. Now that’s a different kind of pain."
She's right! There's a sense of responsibility that comes with adulting that most of us overlook and that is with each decision, relationship, and step, we must be honest (sometimes to the point of harshness) with ourselves.
It seems to me that for us to be successful at this whole self-love thing, we must be willing to push past our emotional comfort zones when it comes to what is best for us.
Here's an example:
I'm currently single as I'm writing this post to you guys. Not too long after I became single, I was approached by some fantastic guy friends (I promise, they gave me permission to share this). However, with each male that showed interest, I couldn't seem to reciprocate those desires. I began to think that it was because it hadn't been that long since my previous relationship ended. I mean, y’all it was almost 2 years of dating (shocker, that's the longest I've committed…up to date)! But, I realized time wasn't the only thing that I needed to be aware of.
Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see if they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. This is how you know the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming; even now it is already in the world. You are from God, little children, and you have conquered them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. They are from the world. Therefore what they say is from the world, and the world listens to them. We are from God. Anyone who knows God listens to us; anyone who is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we know the Spirit of truth and the spirit of deception. '
- 1 John 4:1-6 (CSB)
See, as I began to dig deeper into why I wasn't able to say yes to any new guy, I began to realize some truths:
1| I highly respect the relationship I was previously in and every relationship I've ever been in. I cared, and I loved, and everything was pure and genuine.
2| I have developed an ability to spot red, intolerable, flags. Settling is now a foreign practice to me. If it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel right.
3| I care deeply about myself and my future as well as those who approach me. If I don't feel ready, then I don't feel ready.
4| I have matured (emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually).
Being able to look at situations and honestly discern if something is from God or not, is something I have been praying about and the Lord is answering.
5| It's not me…it's the truth.
I used to be afraid that because I'm a secure person who isn't fully attached to one person, I wouldn't be able to love and love for an extended period. (Boy was I wrong! Y'all people used to tell that I was wrong for not wanting to be so attached. But I guess it really wasn't me.) If anything, I've discovered that who I am is to love others without reason and to adore myself unconditionally. Love and attachment aren't the same thing and shouldn't be mistaken for each other. That's a dangerous game.
By looking at myself and asking myself questions that made me feel uncomfortable, I have been able to uncover so much about who I am and what I am seeking in life. Guaranteed, this is what the rest of my life will be (all that self-discovery and self-love talk), but it's important to me to realize that it's okay to talk to myself. It's healthy to question why I feel certain emotions.
In fact, I believe that it takes a great deal of courage and strength to look at yourself, have an honest conversation from within, listen to the voice of purity that is inside, and allow yourself to say, do, and act upon what you know to be your truth. It's frightening but exhilarating because no person in this world knows you better than you and Jesus.
See, I believe that the voice of purity that is within each person (the sound that helps you discern what your truth is regardless of what is happening around you) is from God. I think there's a better name for that voice…the Holy Spirit.
A helper, a counselor, a teacher; these are just some of the names given to this voice of purity. As a believer, I think that it's impossible to follow Christ wholly if you do not allow yourself to be attentive to this voice. It seems, no…I know without a doubt that within each of us, God has placed His Spirit in our DNAs. It helps us, and it makes us feel uncomfortable when we are in situations ( or making decisions) that may be harmful to us.
And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever. He is the Spirit of truth. The world is unable to receive him because it doesn’t see him or know him. But you do know him, because he remains with you and will be in you. '
“When the Counselor comes, the one I will send to you from the Father — the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father — he will testify about me. You also will testify, because you have been with me from the beginning.'
Nevertheless, I am telling you the truth. It is for your benefit that I go away, because if I don’t go away the Counselor will not come to you. If I go, I will send him to you. Yet, because I have spoken these things to you, sorrow has filled your heart. When he comes, he will convict the world about sin, righteousness, and judgment: about righteousness, because I am going to the Father and you will no longer see me; and about judgment, because the ruler of this world has been judged. About sin, because they do not believe in me; '
'My sheep hear my voice, I know them, and they follow me. But you don’t believe because you are not of my sheep. “I did tell you and you don’t believe,” Jesus answered them. “The works that I do in my Father’s name testify about me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all. No one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.” '
As I continue to walk this beautiful path that God has designed for Jesus and me to journey on, I am coming to understand more about myself because I am willing to bear all my pain, confusion, concerns, love, and joy on my sleeves.
I began this blog post by telling you about how as a child I favored my honest side more than anything. Now I want to wrap up this post by sharing with you a new truth that I have discovered: I love my vulnerable, unsure, curious, fearless, and bold self.
It used to be that I was afraid to show these sides of myself because I believed it would hurt others. My care and love for others would contaminate my sense of self-honesty. Though, I'm glad that I did what my friend said. I'm so happy that I'm allowing myself to look at my soul and feel everything. It excites me that I get the opportunity to speak with the Holy Spirit and embrace all the beauty that God has designed in me. Vulnerability, transparency, and honesty doesn't lead to fear and resentment but to love, joy, understanding, and faith (in one's self and in our Creator).
What are you afraid to discover when you look within yourself? Are you running away from the voice of purity that God has stored within your soul? Why are you stopping yourself from sensing the truth that God has been desperately showing you? Don't run away.
Embrace the beauty that is in you. Allow yourself to sit inner most being. You may discover pieces of yourself that will shock you and those around. But, you weren't meant to be as the world sees you, my love. You were expected to bring forth a truth that hasn't been discovered before. Take in the reality that only you can hear because if you don't know your truth…then who will?
Until next time…