The Conversation You Wished We Had
I'm scared. I'm terrified right now. I'm so afraid to share everything with you about how I feel and to let you in on this, but I know without a doubt that God is about to use this to help someone and I refuse to allow an untold story within my soul to hinder someone else from their growth. So here it is:
The scariest decisions I've ever made were the best decisions I've ever made. (Oh did I forget to mention this post is about relationships…the romantic kind? Yeah, it's about to get interesting up in here.)
I knew that the decision to walk away was the best decision I could've ever made. Now, before I continue explaining what I exactly did and how I knew that it was the best decision, let me lay some stuff out: every person I've ever been in a relationship with is phenomenal! I don't know what I did right because I got blessed to be able to grow with these amazing men who have helped me flourish in ways I couldn't have even imagined. I'm forever thankful for all of these people from my past.
But it had to end.
I had to walk away, and each time, with each decision, it hurt more than I expected. But I did it and guess what, I don't regret it. I walked away from these connections and into the arms of God. It's true. Every relationship ended because God called me out and told me that the season was over. But it didn't make the separation any easier, though it kept me stable and secure.
One relationship ended because the growth pattern wasn't in sync. The other relationship ended because, for another to grow in Christ, I had to leave. And another relationship ended because God said, "Abigail, that is not the man I have for you."
Today, I want to talk about that last one.
Have you ever wanted something and after you had put in all that effort and time, God straight up says, "Um…I don't think so, child. Back it up. This is not what I have designed for you to be in (or have) for a lifetime." Y'all that sucks a lot! Like for real God? I just invested all that time and energy and money into…well, what? A No? That's not what I want.
But I've learned something, the fear of not listening to God when he says no is more critical than FOMO! So guess what? I had to obey and say goodbye to something I genuinely wanted.
I was second-guessing and doubting myself though. I would think, "Abigail, was that really the voice of God or are you just making a mistake?" I would even create excuses by tell myself, "You know what? Even though I say I will never go back once I end a relationship, this one is the one that if God said come back, I will come a running! ( two degrees later and I still talk like this?!)"
But then God said, "oh you want to know if it was I that said no? Fine, I'm going to allow you to get hurt even more by the threats, the nasty words, the bitterness, the immaturity, and the negativity so that you will understand why he is not for you." And similar to how God allowed Job to face pain (even though he could've prevented it) God did the same with. That's when I learned these four things:
1| It was the voice of God telling me to end it.
2| He wasn't the man for me.
3| I will not be returning.
4| It's time to turn the experience into lessons, so I get it right when I'm ready for the what god has in store for me.
Guys, making the right decision especially when you know that it's going to hurt and sting you and some else isn't easy. It is a test of faith, and you don't want to screw up the opportunity to grow with God. But I will tell you that if you hear it from God, do it and don't question it because in due time he will show you how it all makes sense.
Appreciate the experience. Treasure what you learned from each relationship. Thank God and them for the time and the energy but don't allow your attachment and your dreams for something God has said no to make you second guess yourself. Letting go of what God has said no to is the best thing you can do for yourself. It wouldn't make sense now, but when you see how they react and how they treat afterwards - when you begin to see why it wasn't going to work out - and where God is taking you with your new lessons, you will begin to thank God for some of the best nos of your life.
'And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your power; only do not lay a hand on his person. ” So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord . But now, stretch out Your hand and touch all that he has, and he will surely curse You to Your face!” Have You not made a hedge around him, around his household, and around all that he has on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. So Satan answered the Lord and said, “Does Job fear God for nothing? Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil?” And the Lord said to Satan, “From where do you come?” So Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking back and forth on it.” Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord , and Satan also came among them. '
'And Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord , which He will accomplish for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall see again no more forever. The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.”'
'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!'
Until next time…