No More Gasoline: Conflict Resolved

“The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence.” - Psalm 11:15

Oh, sweet Father! Where do I begin with this one? Please bear with me as I formulate this post because it’s about to make no sense half way through but…by the grace of God, I pray that it does at the end.

Lately, I’ve been noticing that I’ve been getting in disagreements with those in my inner circle and I probably shouldn’t be telling you all about this because 1) it’s private and 2) they may be upset that I’m sharing this but honestly, the lessons God teaches us are meant to be marinated, stored, and shared with all so that we can all become better little by little.

Let’s begin:

The more emotional you get with people who are indulging in their feelings, the more gasoline you pour into their personal fire.

This was the beginning of a text I recently sent to one of my closest friends. They were going through something God was purposefully taking me through. My friend had been having a disagreement with someone very close to them and they were getting more and more frustrated as the conversation aged. It sounded like both parties were getting even more upset as words were exchanged. And if you’ve ever been the advice friend, you know that it’s pretty difficult to give any form of wise words from the Lord if it isn’t from the Lord.

As my friend kept explaining the situation with me, I began to let go of my frustration for them and somehow, only God, got some sweet Holy Spirit wisdom!

Don’t entertain angry people and don’t be one. We’ve got to be better than that. We’ve got to let people throw all the punches they need to [and want to] and not throw any punches back. When people say petty, messed up, things to us, they are saying it to their situation, themselves, and to God. It’s never really us that is their problem but themselves. Happy, joyful people never throw bitter and hurtful words at other people but instead, they chose to state facts and express themselves in love. People who are hurt will consciously and even unconsciously hurt those around them; those they love the most and love them. There’s too much pain within their spirit for them to choose love.

Ask yourself, “is God reminding me of my past mistakes? Is he bringing up my mess ups?” If the person you’ve got the conflict with is doing the opposite of what Jesus would do, if they’re doing what God isn’t doing to you then their actions are not from God, but from their flesh and the enemy. You have to ask yourself if you perceive these actions from this person from a place of hurt, pride, guilt, or unforgiveness because you may be biased against this person and need to work on your position. If it’s hurt or guilt then it’s due to you not forgiving yourself or the other person.

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We all get upset, frustrated, bitter, and even feel emotionally attacked by others. It’s part of being human and choosing to grow in relationship with other people. How we perceive conflict is something we can all work on a little bit more. I’ve begun to realize that when disagreements take place, there are just a couple of questions and steps I have to ask myself and take before I begin to even engage in the conversation. Mind you, these steps are subject to revision and are still being developed like my spirit😉.

  1. Stop taking it personally! It’s your actions, their actions, your feelings, and their feelings that are at play ♟️.

  2. Ask: Is it possible that my pride is hurt because I am aiming to be better than the negative words they have shared but it hasn’t been perceived by this person? Are these comment hurting my perception of my progress?

  3. Ask: Would God say what they are saying to me? Could God be saying what they are saying to me?

  4. Ask: Is it possible that this disagreement hasn’t been entirely factually and is this a highly emotional disagreement?

  5. Ask: Is it possible that this disagreement hurts, upsets, or frustrates me because I seek the approval of this person?

If you said yes to step 5 then ask yourself: why am I seeking the approval of this person? Why do I want to change the perception of myself in this person’s view so much that it is emotional disturbing me from the approval of God and how He perceives me?

With every disagreement, conflict, or even argument I have, by the time I get to step 5, I realize that the only way this can be resolved is by getting on my knees, praying, and asking the Holy Spirit to intervene. Asking the Spirit of God to tap into my soul and the person I’m in this situation with has always been the clear antidote.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our pride, hurt, guilt, unforgiveness, and frustration that we forget we’re all children of God. We are imperfect beings that are being perfected by the ultimate potter. We may never see eye to eye on many things but like before, joyful people never throw bitter and hurtful words at other people but instead, they chose to state facts and express themselves in love.

🌿 Abigail