Time to Call Myself Out!
Wow, who would’ve thought that there would come a day when I would be personally putting myself on the chopping block? Well, the day has come and pigs can now fly (I don’t think they can but I’m going to pretend piglets are swarming the air right now) cause I’m about to really call myself out for something that I ought to be embarrassed about.
I’m a mess guys, I’m not even going to hide it or sugar coat this. I don’t have my life in order completely…Jesus is still helping me with that. I mess up and I make so many mistakes and I want to share some of those mistakes with you.
Recently, I have been reading a lot of self-care, self-love, and growth books because let’s face it everyone all need to learn how to do these things. One of my favorite books I’ve been engrossed in from morning to night is How To Be A Bawse by Lilly Singh.Guys, I love this book even though I’m only on chapter 9 as I’m writing this post to you all. If I could buy every copy for each and every one person I knew, I would! Though, I’m fangirling (that’s not even a word but oh well looks like spell check is going to be upset with this post), if you read up on Lilly, you’ll understand that this woman is phenomenal. Aside from winning at life, Lilly has dedicated her resources to support various organizations such as UNICEF and #GirlLove by MEtoWe which makes her beyond worthy of taking advice from.
In her book, Lilly begins with the different takes and lessons she’s learned regarding your view of yourself, responsibility, and mental health. When she began talking about having the courage to call yourself out when you make mistakes (these are just in my owns words so please read the book so you get all the information regarding this topic) I felt like my older sister was schooling me. One of my strong suits is that I can call things out when they are out of order (not okay, incorrect, disrespectful, or just flat out wrong) but I struggle to see my own wrongs sometimes (I promise I’m working on it people). I’m not saying that I’m oblivious to when I’m in the wrong. No. It’s actually when the lines are little blurred that I struggle the most.
Lilly brings up how making mistakes are a part of success and how taking ownership, calling yourself out, finding solutions, and communicating are essential skills for those who want to be a BAWSE (How to Be a Bawse pg. 40-43). Well here are some of the things I took away from the chapter that has helped me understand that I a lot more to call myself out for.
“If you’re not making mistakes, you’re not taking any steps toward accomplishing a goal.”
Miley Cyrus actually said this years ago, “The minute you stop making mistakes is the minute you stop learning.” Though I grew up admiring Miley from her time on Disney, it really wasn’t until I heard her say this that I realized how wise she actually was. Just like Lilly and Miley, I have come to realize that mistakes are actually positive and not as bitter as we believe. We tend to associate mistakes with all these negative thoughts and emotions and it stops us from digging deeper and growing from the very mistakes me made. When we make a misstep, misinterpret, or fall short in any way it’s best to start asking ourselves why it even happened and how we can overcome these mess ups in the future. Mistakes happen to successful people and believe me, if you’re making meaningful mistakes then you’re going to be successful!
Pride is Never Worth the Cost of A Relationships
I used to find it difficult in the middle of arguments and disagreements to accept that I’m not completely right. The worst feeling during arguments would be when I realized that I was in the wrong because it requires swallowing my pride and shutting my mouth. Have y’all met me? Me? Quite? Wasn’t I just talking about pigs flying?! However, at the end of the day, I've come to realize the relationship, rapport, that I have with the person I’ve been arguing with outweighs my pride. No argument is worth a friendship or any relationship (unless the person seriously wronged you and it’s happened before, then nahhh!).
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!
After study communication in school, it’s not a miracle that I’m a fan of the subject and the field. I always tell people that communication is one thing we do 99.9% of the time (.1% for sleeping) and typically fail at 90% of the time. Every relationship people covet and claim as wonderful required constant communication. Just as it is important to properly communicate with your SIGNIFICANT other when you’re upset, it is just as imperative to properly understand and interpret the information your actions and thoughts are sending. We tend to focus so much on what’s going on with others that we forget, healthy people worry about themselves first! You can’t do anything correctly if you’re not working properly. When you and I make a mistake, typically there is a reason to why the mistake even happened. It’s someone not else’s responsibility to figure out why we didn’t do what we were supposed to do. No. As BAWSE (I just love how Lilly says it)you are aiming to be the embodiment of a healthy, strong, powerful, loving, kind, and responsible person. Responsible people take ownership of their actions and investigate why mistakes occur. Communicate with yourself. Figure out why you messed up and be honest with yourself. No one else is going to do this for you!
Say It Like You Mean It
Going back to the whole pride thing and choosing your relationship over pride (side note: that doesn’t mean you ought to let people disrespect you either; don’t go around telling people I said that), whenever I messed up with someone the one thing I knew I needed to do was the hardest: apologize. Since I don’t like to be wrong (who does anyway), having to swallow my pride and apologize was not comfortable for me. But what was even more uncomfortable was making my apologizes meaningful because you have really dig in and make it real. I don’t appreciate it when people give me perfunctory apologizes so much that I would rather not be given an apology sometimes. So why do it to others? One of my mottos in life is, “if you’re not going to give it your best, then why do it? Give it 100% until you can’t give anymore!” I’m definitely not taking credit for that wisdom but I’m going to keep chanting it like as if I’m at the World Cup and the only way my team is going to beat Germany is for me to chant this all day long! Who wants to take me to the world cup? Sorry for going off topic! Back to the quote, just because you don’t believe you’re in the wrong doesn’t mean you cannot acknowledge the hurt, frustration, or sadness the other person feels. This is a heart problem and a pride problem. Don’t ever let your mistakes make you so ignorant that you will purposefully hurt someone with a pitiful apology. Just don’t be that person, please.
Obviously, I’m still learning, growing, and experiencing more of who I am and I’m just getting started. My moral and opinions may not match up with yours and that’s alright. We can always agree to disagree. However, once you read Lilly’s book, you may agree with me on the fact that this is a wonderful piece! If you’re anything like me and have always wanted to sit in a master’s class with a woman who has done it, is doing it, and continues to lead people to be the best BAWSE they can be, then I highly, highly recommend this book for you!
Until next time…
- 🌿 Abigail